Choosing couples therapy is a big step, and it’s natural to want reassurance that you’ll be supported and understood. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a highly effective method designed to help couples overcome conflict, heal emotional wounds, and strengthen their bond. Here’s what you can expect from an EFT therapy session.

Stonewalling is one of the most damaging behaviors that can occur in any relationship. It’s a form of emotional withdrawal where one partner shuts down and refuses to engage in communication, effectively leaving the other person in the dark. Often seen as a response to conflict, stonewalling can erode trust, create emotional distance, and intensify feelings of frustration and helplessness.

Criticism is known as one of the main destructive forces in relationships. Renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman identifies being overly critical as one of the “Four Horsemen” that predict relationship breakdown. According to Gottman, criticism differs from a complaint by being more global and personal, often targeting a partner’s character rather than their behavior. For example, saying, “You never help around the house; you’re so lazy,” criticizes the person rather than addressing a specific issue. Over time, this pattern can erode trust and connection, creating a hostile environment where partners feel attacked and defensive.

For centuries, love was seen as a mystery—a fleeting feeling or a romantic ideal that defied explanation. Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), often highlights how, until recently, we didn’t truly understand love. It was regarded as an enigma, something magical but unpredictable. Today, however, attachment science has transformed our understanding. Love is no longer an unsolvable puzzle; it’s a profound emotional bond grounded in our fundamental need for connection and security.

In the realm of relationships, many couples find themselves grappling with the question: "Can we ever truly understand each other?" Moments of deep frustration often arise, accompanied by thoughts like, “Why don’t they get me?” or “Will I ever understand what’s going on in their mind?” These feelings of disconnection can be profoundly disheartening, making it seem as though our emotional worlds are irrevocably distant. However, attachment science offers a more hopeful narrative, suggesting that genuine understanding is not only possible but also deeply rooted in our nature as humans.

The absence of sexual intimacy in a relationship is often misunderstood as a standalone issue. Attachment theory offers a compelling perspective, suggesting that the root cause is frequently emotional disconnection. This psychological framework highlights the importance of emotional safety, trust, and responsiveness in fostering both emotional and physical closeness. When these elements are distressed, sexual intimacy often diminishes, creating a ripple effect throughout the relationship.

Infidelity strikes at the core of a relationship, creating a deep emotional wound that can be challenging to heal. While many couples strive to reconcile, hoping time will ease the pain, unaddressed emotional injuries from an affair can linger, making it difficult to truly reconnect. These wounds, if left untreated, can manifest as emotional distance, insecurity, or recurring conflicts that impact how partners communicate, feel intimate with each other, and perceive one another.

When a relationship feels strained, many couples hesitate to seek therapy, fearing it signals the beginning of the end. This common misconception—that therapy is a last resort—prevents many partners from addressing challenges early. In reality, most relationship issues stem from unmet emotional needs and attachment wounds, which, if left unchecked, can create a cycle of disconnection and conflict.

What truly makes us happy? Is it the gleam of material possessions, the thrill of exciting experiences, or the applause of success? While these can bring joy in the moment, research consistently reveals a deeper truth: the quality of our personal relationships is the most significant determinant of lasting happiness.

In the 1980s, Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Les Greenberg developed Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), a groundbreaking approach to repairing and strengthening relationships. Unlike traditional methods that primarily focus on problem-solving or communication skills, EFT dives deeper into the emotional bonds between partners. It is rooted in attachment theory, which highlights the innate human need for connection and security in relationships.

Trauma disrupts our sense of security, shaking the foundation of how we relate to ourselves and others. When individuals experience trauma, their brain’s fight-or-flight response may become overactive, leading to heightened vigilance and difficulty trusting the world around them. This fractured sense of safety can profoundly impact attachment—the emotional bonds formed with others—rooted in our earliest experiences of care and connection.